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#1504 of 1952 Ex-Cougar owner weds Christmas Pickle Chick; Subaru vandalized
Mar 22, 2002 (7:21 am)
Atlanta, GA - In startling news today, ex-Cougar owner burnsmr4 was married to the infamous "Christmas Pickle Chick" in Winston-Salem, NC over the St. Patrick's Day weekend.
burnsmr4 was spotted at a local country club dancing with and singing to his new bride, the "Christmas Pickle Chick."
The bride was given her knickname after she left two big jars of "Christmas pickles" in burnsmr4's then beloved 1999 Mercury Cougar V-6. The jars rolled around while in transit and consequently broke, spilling pickles and pickle juice all over the front floorboard. burnsmr4 was in therapy for weeks after the incident.
Oblivious to her husband's earlier mental trauma, the new bride was ecstatic at finally being married to the man that "understands" her infatuation with odd holiday baking.
Although no pickles were served at the wedding reception, at the groom's behest, there were still automotive shenanigans going on.
Acting on sheer stupidity, burnsmr4's groomsmen deftly painted the windows of his new 2002 Subaru Forester S with Glass Chalk. Demonstrating their academic failures as kindergarteners, the groomsmen painted outside the lines of the Subaru's window glass and proceeded to decorate body panels and trim pieces.
Idiot bridesmaids were also involved in the debacle, as Glass Chalk made its way onto pristine Yokohama tires and aluminum alloy wheels.
Said one blonde bridesmaid, "Oh...my...God! This is like, you know, painting sorority cups!"
It was sheer luck that Glass Chalk stains anything but glass and painted surfaces on a car. The red and white polka dots on the tires and trim were there to stay. No one thought to read directions/warnings beforehand.
"Jesus Christopher Columbus Ohio and his mother! What did you do to my car?!" exclaimed burnsmr4 upon seeing what the groomsmen did to his new car.
After some on-site therapy at the reception, burnsmr4 and his new bride managed to make it to Savannah, GA for a quiet, peaceful honeymoon. The couple will reside in Atlanta, far away from any of the groomsmen and bridesmaids in question.
burnsmr4 contributed to this story.
Mar 22, 2002 (7:33 am)
And congratulations to you and your bride! My best wishes for a happy future...minus pickles, Glass Chalk, and bridal party, of course.
Mar 23, 2002 (2:58 pm)
Congratulations, and best wishes to your bride!!
Please love her and respect her needs as best you can (read Dr. Phil from Oprah).
Also, I am glad you still frequent the board even though you have a Subaru.
Mar 24, 2002 (8:54 pm)
Hello all! Don't know if you remember me but I haven't posted here in a looooooong time. Anyways, I'm still drivin the Cougar and no problems at all, it's been a good car, but then again, I only have like 22K miles on it and it's a 2000 Model. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to sell the car and probably go to the "dark side", get something like a Civic SI, an Integra, or a 200 Celica GT. I'm looking for a used car because I want to lower my monthly payments as much as possible and still have some performance to play around with. Hope your Cougar is treating you great as well, just wanted to stop by and say hey!
#1508 of 1952 Thanks dgemini!
Mar 25, 2002 (8:52 am)
I don't think I can stand to read Dr. Phil (pudgy Oprah groupie).
However, I will love and respect her as long as she keeps Christmas pickles out of the Subaru, and even then, I'll go easy on her.
Hope you all are doing well!
P.S. - Does Badulah EVER come here anymore? StageLeft?
Mar 25, 2002 (9:39 am)
I would have posted this sooner, but when I got to "Said one blonde bridesmaid, "Oh...my...God! This is like, you know, painting sorority cups!" I ended up doing a full on spit take with a mouth full of pepsi. So now I have a new keyboard. I think your (lack of) luck is being spread through cyberspace.
Mar 25, 2002 (11:19 am)
Congrats on the niptuals and making an honest woman out of the pickle lady.
As for your tire problem, unless they're unidirectional, have them remounted ($10.00/wheel) with the graffiti on the inside.
#1511 of 1952 Tire aftermath
Mar 25, 2002 (11:28 am)
This is pure, useful advice -- if someone is dumb enough to use Glass Chalk on something other than your car's glass, remove the unwanted marks with mineral spirits (paint thinner). Even better, get one of the culprits to do it for ya. Took me 45 minutes yesterday, but my Yokohamas are polka dot free. Flammable (with all the mineral spirits I had to use), but polka dot free.
The mineral spirits also cleaned up the rubber trim and black metallic trim.
Re-mounting was only an option if I had made the bridesmaid responsible buy me a new set of Yokohamas herself. I'm a ruthless groom.
#1512 of 1952 Down the tubeless tubes
Mar 29, 2002 (8:22 pm)
Oh, how low the Cougar boards have fallen! The first Owners' Group! The most posting! Now, there are long silences interspersed with non-automotive messages.
It's Ford's fault. They let the cat die through inattention. so the New Edge Cougar never reached its potential. All we have left in the line is the Jaguar X, which is apparently not that great itself.
Well, I'm still here, driving my Cougar short distances through traffic. Nothing has fallen off lately, and I'll probably keep the car 10 years like I always do.